Ten Years
by Jessica Jewell
Summary: He had left her for ten years. She wasn't willing to accept him back that quickly.


"Y-you..." her voice was weavering, not from fear or any emotion of that sort, but from disbelief. How dare he show up here! How dare he return to her after all that he did! After he left her here to hopefully be taken in! He had some nerve showing up here, alright, but he did what he wanted anyway. He always had. Always would. She knew this, she always had, but he still had no right to be here. Not after what he had done. "Why are you here!?" She yelled out in anger, taking a step back, as if to flee from him.

"I came because I had to," he replied, looking at her.

She wouldn't back down though. No. He may be taller, but she would meet his gaze and she would not back down from him. Many people did, they feared him, but she never had. Never would. She would never fear him, not after seeing his soft side, but she would also never forgive him. He had left her so suddenly, telling her not to follow, to never look for him. He had abandoned her, much like her family had oh so long ago. The differance between him and her family was that he had chose to leave her, while her family had not.

"You don't have to do anything! You never _had_ to do anything!" Her anger spoke for her, but they were words she had wanted to say for a long time. Words that she'd wanted to yell at him for so long. She'd had ten years to think of these words and she was going to say them to him. She had waited far to long for this. He had left her for ten years! She'd followed him for almost as long as she could remember, and he had tossed her aside like she was nothing! "Just like you never had to explain why you left me here!"

"Rin," his cold amber eyes narrowed at her as she spoke. But she wasn't going to have it.

"Don't! Don't you dare 'Rin' me!" She spoke, vemon on every word. The villagers around her watched in amazment as she spoke to the demon as if he were lower than her. They had known she was odd, she'd been with them ten years after all, but they had never known her to be insane and suicidely. Surely she would know the wrath of demons by now, the village having been attacked by its share. And yet, her she was, talking, no... yelling at this demon as if he were another villager who had stolen something from her. She was either extremely brave or extemely stupid. They watched in fear, both of the demon and for her life, as she continued. "You have no right to be here! None! You left me, alone, in hopes that I would find a village near-by to take me in!"

"This Sesshomaru had his reason for what he-"

"There could not possible be a reason good enough for what you did to me, _Lord_ Sesshomaru!" She dripped sarcasm upon the word lord. Ten years ago, she would have never dared spoke any of this, but her anger was to great this time. Ten years of building up. Ten years of thoughts. Ten years of _loneliness_.

"You dare speak to me like that. After all I have done for you?" his voice was cool, calm. She hated him for it. Why could he keep calm, collected. How could he not snap at her for speaking to him like that?

"All you have done for me?" She couldn't believe her ears. All he had done for her!? "You've done _nothing_ for me. You brought me back only to abandon me later! I will never forgive your actions. Never forgive you for anything. You_ left _me. Alone! Abandoned me when I was lost. You.. you just left me. Told me not to follow... and Jaken! Jaken had wanted me to come. The look of disbelief upon his face must have matched my own! After all those years of telling Jaken to leave me alone, he had finally gotten attatched to me, used to me being there, and you told me to stay away! Why?"

"This Sesshomaru only did what he had to do. I owe you no explanation for my actions," he answered, his voice holding a slight tone of annoyance and was that a hint of... anger? Had she struck a nerve? She would find out.

"Owe me an explanation? You owe me an explanation! I think I have a right to know why you left me in the forest that day, ten years ago. You had protected me, cared for me up until that day. The day you decided that I wasn't good enough for you anymore! Why? God damnit, _why_ Sesshomaru!? You were all I had. You, Jaken, and Ah-Un! And after one minute, that was all gone. All of it! I had nothing except the kimono I wore, the one that you got for me! And you know what, I kept living in the delusion that you would come and get me. That you would be searching for me, that you wanted me back. But slowly, year after year, I began to realize that you weren't coming! You had left me, completely and utterly. You had left me alone and you weren't here to protect Rin... when Rin needed you most," her voice had slowly gotten quieter, until she spoke in third person. She tended to do that when she got to emotional. It was an old habit that wouldn't go away, unlike the cause of said habit.

"I have always protected you," he spoke, but she refused to listen to his words. To his _lies._ She had had enough of those lies when he had left.

"Liar!" she screamed, raising her hands to cover her ears, as if to block out the sound of his voice. Her anger had returned to her, as quickly as it had left. Removing her hands from her head, she glared at him. "You have not protected me! Where were you six years ago? When I called to you, when I needed you the most? Where were you? You didn't protect me then! When I was hurt more than you could ever imagine."

"If you had been hurt, I would have known it," he said, as if defending himself. But he had pushed her to0 far for defense. It was going to take a lot for her to forgive him.

"Why are you lying to me? Did you used to lie to me before, but I was to young and naive to actually get it? How many other lies have you told me?" she growled. It was only a matter of time until she pushed her limit, she knew this, but she didn't care. Not now. All the things she'd wanted to say had left her, her anger making her mind blank. Soon he wouldn't put up with her anymore. It was only a matter of time until he lashed out at her, like he had done to so many others while she'd been around. She should have learned to fear him, oh so long ago, but she had thought him kind, gentle even, only doing what he had to do to protect her. Now she knew the truth. He wasn't kind. He wasn't gentle. He was a monster, like ever other youkai out there, just waiting for the right moment to kill you. One false move, and you lost the game. It was only a matter of time until she lost this one.

"This Sesshomaru does not lie," his patience was running thin, she could tell, could sense it. She'd been around him long enough to know that. So, what did she do? She laughed at his patience, a hollow laugh that sent shivers down the spines of the bystanders, the villagers that watched and feared.

"Does not lie! That, right there, Lord Sesshomaru, is a lie. So, you do lie. You aren't fooling anyone. I was hurt, badly. Something was taken from me six years ago, something I will never get back. Something that can't be given back. Do you know what was forcefully taken from me, my Lord? My virginity. I was held down, tied up, and the whole time I called your name. But you never came. You never came and saved me, like I thought you would. That was the day I realized that you weren't coming back. That you truly had abandoned me! He took something that I should have had the choice of giving! And I'd already had a person in mind. But... it is to late now, because he left me," she gave him a look of pure pain. He had no clue as to what she had gone through. She had been raped. She was sixteen when it happened, three years after she'd been left. It took three years for her to realize that he wasn't coming back for her. And to have her realize in that way... it tore her apart.

"I left to protect you from that," he spoke, his words confusing her, stopping all her anger. Left to protect her from that, and that was exactly what had happened. What did he mean?

She took a step towards him now, though she still remained at a distance, a good five feet separating them. She didn't want to get to close, she was afraid not of what he would do, but of what _she_ would do. "Irony, ne?" she spoke, her tone cold and confused. "Just what do you mean, Lord Sesshomaru?"

He did not reply right off, but merely looked at her. He never was good with these things. "I left... because I was not going to be my father."

That made her eyes widened. She'd heard about his father. Kagome had come through this village, had even stayed a week, just for Rin. She'd learned so much from the miko, mostly what she'd over heard Kagome whispering about with her friends. That had been so long ago, it seemed, but what she'd learned stuck with her. She knew what he was talking about. His father fell in love with a human girl, a princess no less, and as a result, he'd died, giving his life for his son and wife. That son had not been Sesshomaru, but rather the hanyou, Inuyasha. She knew of his hate for the half-demon, though it was a pitiful hate. Hating him merely because he was half human, and he claimed to hate humans, yet she had traveled with him, had she not? "But I loved you!"

"I know," he spoke passively. She was unable to read what he was thinking or what he meant, "which is why I left. It was better to leave you than remain tempted."

"Are you saying that you felt the same?" she had to know.

"No. This Sesshomaru does not feel for humans, but youkai instinct is to mate. You were not so young anymore, and I could smell your arousal when you were around me. That is how I knew you... had feelings for me. Had you remained near me, my instincts might have over powered my will," he spoke. It angered her that he spoke of it was so average, an everyday thing. Like her feelings meant nothing at all.

"I would rather it have been you than anyone else," she whispered, his ears catching it though. The villagers were left to wonder what she said, though what she said next was not whispered, and the villagers could hear it, "Why do you strive so hard to not be your father? He was an honorable demon, a gallent leader, a good lord, and an even better father."

"He died. How was he a good father?"

"That's why he was a good father! He gave his life to protect those he loved! It may not have been you he died for, but you were probably on his mind when he did die. What makes you think that you hadn't been?" she was crushed. He did not love her, like she did him. But... she thought she had made herself forget that. Him showing up only proved that she did love him, her feelings never changing over the years. She had only fooled herself into thinking that they had. Silly, silly girl.

_"Tell me, Sesshomaru. Do you have anyone to protect?"_ His father's words were in his mind, brought back to him by the girl before him. No. The _woman_ before him. She was no longer the thirteen-year-old he had left. She had to be twenty-three now. She was not a little girl anymore. "He gave his sword to the half-breed. All to protect a human, too."

She couldn't take it anymore. He was insulting her and her feelings. He may not be meaning to, but he was, and she was not going to sit here and take it. She closed the space between them quickly, his eyes looking at her quizically. She was sick of him insulting humans, making her feel even worse about herself than she needed to. "My race may be weak, but at least we can understand compassion, kindness, caring. I'm sorry that we all can't protect ourselves! But most of all, I'm sorry that you are to high on your pedistool to realize this. You may be high now, top of the food chain, even feared, but just look at Kagome's time. She's never once seen a demon. So, guess who makes it to the top?" He narrowed his eyes at her and grabbed her shoulder, sinking his claws in, enough that she yelled out in pain. The look on her face made him regret it instantly. He removed his hand, his face passive. Rin stepped back from him, tears in her eyes. She couldn't believe he had struck her. He had never physically hurt her before, this was not the Sesshomaru she knew. He may look the same, but they could not possibly be the same person. Though... she had provoked him, made him lash out at her. The tears that filled her eyes began to fall as she looked up at him, her eyes glistening from the tears. She would not look away from him, not even as the warm blood trickled down her arm. She could feel it.

He remained unmoving, the wind blowing his white hair back behind him. He was a sight to behold, and she couldn't help but regret everything she'd said. It was not him who had changed over the years. It was her. She had allowed herself to become hardened by the pain that she felt. She had let it consume her, grab a hold of her once cheerful heart and turn it into one of anger and hatred. What he had done was to protect her, he'd said so, but he had failed to protect her anyway.

The pain was to much. She closed her eyes and launched herself at him, throwing her arms around his torso, crying on him. Her muffled voice could be heard clearly to Sesshomaru, though it was faint to the villagers. "I'm so sorry, Lord Sesshomaru! I'm sorry. So, so sorry. I shouldn't have... I wasn't thinking. I-I was just so angry. Please forgive me, my Lord! Kagome was right! All you want to do is protect me, and I was so stupid. I-I didn't listen! I'm sorry!"

"Do not apologize again," he spoke, making her stop talking instantly. He looked down at her and used one hand to make her look up. "What did the miko tell you?"

"That all you did, you did to protect me. Though I may not know how it will protect me, it does in some way. All you want is to protect me!" she couldn't stop the tears. All the tears she'd bottled up were now flowing.

-

_"_Tell me, do you have someone to protect_?" his fathers words rang in his head as Sesshomaru glared at the demons before him. Inuyasha lay on the ground, thrown like rag doll by one demon, when there were well over fifty demons here, and more coming._

_"Lord Sesshomaru!" Rin's tiny voice filled his ears. He truned to see the demons heading straight for the girl. She was running as fast as her little feet would carry her, but it wasn't fast enough. A demon hit her, sending the girl flying, only to land hard and skid. When she didn't get up, Sesshomaru knew that she would die. "_Tell me, do you have someone to protect_?" _

_Yes. He did._

_Sesshomaru lept to Tetsugai, the sword stuck in the ground a few yards from its owner. Inuyasha weakly looked up, and spoke, "Get away from my sword! You can't weild it anyway!"_

_Sesshomaru glared at him. "Quiet half-breed. I have someone to protect right now."_

_Kagome's eyes widened, along with everyone else's, as he grabbed a hold of the sword, lifting it from its position in the ground. It pulsed, as it acknologing the fact that Sesshomaru had someone to protect, just like his father._

_In a flash Sesshomaru was in front of Rin's limp body and he swung the Tetsugai, destroying all the demons in one stroke. Without another word, Sesshomaru threw the sword as Inuyasha's feet, grabbed Rin, and lept away._

-

He did not reply, as the memory flashed through him, brought upon by her words. All he did, he did for her, even if his plan had back fired. He should have known that he wasn't the only creature capable of raping her. Though, she was still to young back when she'd felt attracted to him. Only thirteen. She even knew she was still to young, and his instinct to mate had been growing every year. She should have known that he wouldn't just leave her like that. He always had a reason for what he did. Always.

"I... I accused you of something, before I even knew what you really meant to happen. I shouldn't have, I-I should have known there was a reason, but I was just so angry. I was so angry at you, Lord Sesshomaru," she looked down, removing her hand from his grasp. She stepped back from him as well, suddenly feeling awkward. It had once been okay to hug him, when she was young, but now it seemed... wrong. Intimate almost.

"I understand," he said, looking down at her, his amber eyes making her shift uncomfortably. Did he have to gaze to intently at her? Make her feel so... awkward at the gaze? She almost felt unworthy. Here he was a youkai, Lord of the West Lands, yet he looked like a god, standing there, sun lighting him up, wind blowing his hair ever so softly. He spoke, startling her. "I see your feelings for me have not changed."

She blushed heavily at those words, looking to the ground. How did he- wait, she knew how he knew. He could smell it, couldn't he? Just like he had years ago. Taking a deep breath, she looked up, meeting his intense gaze. "No, my Lord, they have not." She would say it, tell it to him straight. Even if he could smell it from her, she would tell it to him. She wanted him to hear it, she wanted him to see the blush on her face. She wanted him to know that his nose, eyes, and ears knew that she loved him. "And I do not think they ever will."

"I see." His words were so short, so... vague. They made her nervous, uneasy almost. She hated that he could hide his emotions from the world, blanket them behind a collected, passive face. She hated that he wouldn't tell her just what he thought of her liking him. But most of all, she hated that she couldn't hate him. No. She loved him.

"Is that all you have to say on the matter?" she was starting to get angry again. No. She needed to be calm. It was not his fault, none of this was. None of it would be. This was all her doing. Her anger. Her hatred. "No, wait. Please, forget I said that. I don't want to yell at you. I don't want to be angry." She watched him, waiting to see if he would respond to that. He remained silent, looking at her, blinking rarely. She couldn't stand the gaze and looked to the ground. She thought back to when he'd first come. He'd said something. "My Lord, you said you came here because you had to? May I ask why you had too?"

"I came to check in on you. Ten years is a long time, Rin, even to a demon like me," he replied. Her mouth formed a small 'O' of surprise, though she made no noise. Ten years was a long time away from people you cared about. She knew it was long for her, very, very long. She hadn't once thought that it might have been long for him, too. He had lived longer than she could imagine, she was sure of that, hundreds of years, possibly, but who would have thought that ten years would be a long time to him, or for any demon for that matter.

"Then how have you managed to live this long, Lord Sesshomaru, if tens years is a long time?" her question was asked in innocence, the curiousity of a human, but she saw that she hit a nerve in him. His eyes showed a flash of something, something hidden deep. She knew him well enough to know that his eyes weren't normally like that.

"Some years seem longer than others," he answered in a way that told her not to push it. Not to push the luck she'd had so far. But she didn't need to. She knew. She had gotten her answer in the slight change of his eyes, and his actual answer. He was falling for her, possibly already in love with her, much like his father had for Inuyasha's mother. That was why it had seemed so long to him. Her absence had taken its toll, and he had missed her. That was why he was here. He had needed to see her, prove to himself that she was alive and well, and that she had not died when he'd left.

"Of course, my Lord," she answered, giving a small bow, smile upon her lips. It was a small smile, but it seemed to make her even more beautiful than before. She had always been pretty as a child, but as a woman, she knew she was beautiful. But she did not flaunt it. No. She did not want men to want her. She only wanted one man. A demon. "I... I am glad you came. To check in on me. As you can see, I am doing fine."

He nodded, a moment of silence, before he spoke his question. "Are you married?"

She smiled at that question. He always had been blunt, a very to-the-point kind of person. "No, I am not. I don't wish to marry anyone here, and so I will not. I live alone, aside from a bird that has decided to live in a tree near me." she answered honestly, telling him the whole truth. She would never lie to him, as he would never lie to her. Earlier, she had accused him of lying, but he hadn't been lying. He just hadn't known what had happened six years ago.

"Very well. This Sesshomaru will take his leave. Be well Rin. And... I suggest you get wed. It will do you good to be tied down," he said as he turned away. She was not put down by his words, though. She merely smiled at them. She would never be tied down. She would remain single, awaiting the day that he would deside to be like his father.

"I can not do that, Lord Sesshomaru. For if I am tied down, I can not follow you on journey's. I will be waiting, Lord Sesshomaru."

"For what?"

"For the day that you realize you do love me. Human or not." What she said was said to hir retreating form, as he walked away. He would come around. He could not deny it to himself forever, she knew this. Of course, she also knew that she might be on her death bed when he finally admitted it, but she was willing to wait. "I will wait forever, my Lord. Do not doubt my patience."


End file.
